I’m not feeling so hot these days. Right after my brushing intensive, I was feeling pretty weightless and anxiety-free, but I guess between my over-the-top schedule these days, and my trials and tribulations with the listening program, it’s no surprise I’m feeling pretty yucky. This is always the worst part of any treatment program – the middle, those meaty hours that will eventually provide the firm foundation for intense improvement. Very rarely does treatment solve an issue right off the bat. From a mental health perspective, the thickness of post-diagnosis therapy is when the true issues burst through the surface, and demons have to be put in their place and understood. From the world of an SPD adult, this time, which is filled with mature hope, boldness, strength, and focus, totally sucks. I feel like I’ve taken steps back to where I was a month and a half ago. I find myself fighting back tears even more often than in the past. I wear my tinted glasses even in the office, because I can’t tolerate my desk or screen without them. My body surges long after I’ve taken myself to bed, and I feel like I’m fighting myself to keep up with even my most basic schedule (yes, it’s a huge basic schedule, but it’s still only my must-do-activities).
I know my reactions are a result of this break-down-and-build-up we’re in the process of in OT, but it’s SO hard to stay patient and choke back the feelings of nausea and discord – especially since I got to experience life without them for a month.